Hey Hey Hey, It’s Mimi again!!

I’ve told you about myself, my friends and now… My boyfriend history.

You’re probably asking “Why is she going through her history? It’s not right to kiss and tell.” or something like “Karma’s gonna get her for this.”

If that were true, which it is, I’ve been through too much to let something petty like telling a brief synopsis of my history. That’s where the “Misadventures” come into play. I decided to express these stories because people need to know about what kind of miscreants they’re in the world with.

Whether it’s the “I’m gonna piss dirty no matter when they test me.” Dude or The “My mom told me to dump you cuz you’re too much of a tomboy.” Guy.

Yeah, I find them… More like I attract them and they find me. It’s a scent, I guess. I attract the damaged, the abusive, the -cough cough- quirky, the addicted or just simply the weird.

One guy even wanted to marry me, proposed in a restaurant. UGH! Dude did NOT have a ring or the decency to order me dinner first! What the figgity fuck? I’m worth a ham and cheese omelet and a Pepsi! Seriously? He dumps me over social media (The devil, I swear.) then doesn’t expect me to retaliate. Boy did I ever! He announced that he was getting married and I, then, invented a term I seriously wished Soc Med would’ve picked up for the future…

STATUS BOMB: When you decide to tell the story of your (plural) past with the poster.

After a few shots of berry (I don’t remember if it was Wild Cherry or Strawberry) vodka, I went on Facebook. I then proceeded to status bomb the engagement announcement with what I like to call “The Bitter Ex Diatribe”. I, pretty much, told the happy bride to be that I was the reason her “Loving Fiance” was still alive after living in a portable toilet. YEAH… I am THAT bitter. The Bible says Vengeance belongs to God. WELL… I took matters into my own hands and I got major backlash. The WWE’s version of Backlash had nothing on what I survived. That’s just the first instance of Karma. By the way, She’s my homie now since I changed my ways. One woman even asked if my mother raised me to be better.

Bitch, do NOT mention my mama! My mama raised me to tell the truth. Your best friend’s fiance is a dirty vulgar bum. He may look like an H&M model now but he wouldn’t be alive unless I actually kept him that way. I’ll keep it as close to 100% as I can.

Now, nearly 9 years later, I’m not bitter… Much. I’m just getting warmed up with tales of cringiness that will curl a bald man’s hair.

Oh T and Bree Bree were around for some of them. Joe? not involved.

Joe… ooh man, I just want one kiss. ONE. KISS. I’ll die then. -side eyes-

Just kidding, I can’t let y’all forget me. 😉

Talk to you soon! ~M~