Boyfriend History

Hey Hey Hey, It’s Mimi again!!

I’ve told you about myself, my friends and now… My boyfriend history.

You’re probably asking “Why is she going through her history? It’s not right to kiss and tell.” or something like “Karma’s gonna get her for this.”

If that were true, which it is, I’ve been through too much to let something petty like telling a brief synopsis of my history. That’s where the “Misadventures” come into play. I decided to express these stories because people need to know about what kind of miscreants they’re in the world with.

Whether it’s the “I’m gonna piss dirty no matter when they test me.” Dude or The “My mom told me to dump you cuz you’re too much of a tomboy.” Guy.

Yeah, I find them… More like I attract them and they find me. It’s a scent, I guess. I attract the damaged, the abusive, the -cough cough- quirky, the addicted or just simply the weird.

One guy even wanted to marry me, proposed in a restaurant. UGH! Dude did NOT have a ring or the decency to order me dinner first! What the figgity fuck? I’m worth a ham and cheese omelet and a Pepsi! Seriously? He dumps me over social media (The devil, I swear.) then doesn’t expect me to retaliate. Boy did I ever! He announced that he was getting married and I, then, invented a term I seriously wished Soc Med would’ve picked up for the future…

STATUS BOMB: When you decide to tell the story of your (plural) past with the poster.

After a few shots of berry (I don’t remember if it was Wild Cherry or Strawberry) vodka, I went on Facebook. I then proceeded to status bomb the engagement announcement with what I like to call “The Bitter Ex Diatribe”. I, pretty much, told the happy bride to be that I was the reason her “Loving Fiance” was still alive after living in a portable toilet. YEAH… I am THAT bitter. The Bible says Vengeance belongs to God. WELL… I took matters into my own hands and I got major backlash. The WWE’s version of Backlash had nothing on what I survived. That’s just the first instance of Karma. By the way, She’s my homie now since I changed my ways. One woman even asked if my mother raised me to be better.

Bitch, do NOT mention my mama! My mama raised me to tell the truth. Your best friend’s fiance is a dirty vulgar bum. He may look like an H&M model now but he wouldn’t be alive unless I actually kept him that way. I’ll keep it as close to 100% as I can.

Now, nearly 9 years later, I’m not bitter… Much. I’m just getting warmed up with tales of cringiness that will curl a bald man’s hair.

Oh T and Bree Bree were around for some of them. Joe? not involved.

Joe… ooh man, I just want one kiss. ONE. KISS. I’ll die then. -side eyes-

Just kidding, I can’t let y’all forget me. 😉

Talk to you soon! ~M~

 

My Inner Circle

Hey Hey Hey! It’s Mimi again. I figured seeing as I told you some about myself and where I am, I should tell you some about my inner circle. The people in my life who through all the stupid things I’ve done have either A) done it with me and understand how it feels to be in my situation or B) know me well enough that I will bounce back and be stronger than I was the day before. Most of them are women but there are a few men who, for whatever the reason, allow me to be the shining example of singlehood. Especially singlehood with a mental illness (or dozen). Yep, I have a few mental “glitches” that make me wonderful… wonderfully unique, weird, lovable, quirky, and simply me.

I’ve dealt with everything a person can think of and still have friends who, no matter what, have been the Sundance to my Butch Cassidy and vice versa.

There’s my friend T. We lost contact but then I went to the hospital she worked at for a surgery. What happens in the hospital… ends up being charted by some nosy doctor.

There’s Bree-Bree. My twinsie for life. We think the same, act the same BUT look nothing alike. I think The Father made us friends cuz no sane set of parents wanted us as sisters.

There’s JD, my kindred spirit, my heart and the one guy who understands what happens on a bad day with mental illness. I love him to pieces. I know I know, Why not date him? It’s not that simple and I’ll get into that when I can.

Then There’s Zander… My brother who was my sister. Transgender people are awesome. 🙂

I’ll give you some more insight as this blog goes forward but these are the main peeps I love and who love me.

Bye for now and I promise soon I’ll actually get into the adventures.

By

Imperfectangel14

 

 

Prologue

Hey, My name is Mimi… Well, Marie but people who know me call me “Mimi”. I prefer it as Marie makes me sound REALLY old. I’m 38 and single. Insert laugh track here…

I’ve been single for a few years now. Seems like I have probably THE worst luck finding a man to date in the entire metropolitan Milwaukee area. Guys here just seem to… I don’t know, think either their shit doesn’t stink (Believe me guys, it does and it’s REALLY bad.) or they think living with their mommies in a basement watching wrestling is a great thing. I freely admit that I watch wrestling myself BUT I don’t sit there and masturbate to Alexa Bliss’s fake as all hell Harley Quinn hairstyle or Mickie James’ old ass. I, for one thing, don’t go that way. For quite another, I appreciate the whole finesse of a four hundred pound man’s agility. That and the epicness of when the ring implodes or something else so purely phenomenal.

Anyway, I was saying. Men around here… yeah. They all think that posing in old man tighty whities are great for Facebook. (Starts gagging) uhm… honey, do us ALL a favor and get either dressed or get a stylist. I can’t handle the reflection of Archie Bunker panties in my face.

So… I have made it my defining mission to find the perfect man (for me) however possible. In the meantime, I’m going to regale all of you with my adventures (or misadventures as the title of this blog would make more sense.)

I hope to have you reading, laughing, crying and overall relieved that you’re not the only one feeling like you do. Trust me, you’re not.